Friday, February 12, 2010

the half life of a hoagie roll

One of the items purged from the Great Freezer Cleanout was a package of hoagie rolls leftover from a catered work event in September. Given their vintage, I didn't want to take them to the food bank. What else to do with them, then, than feed them to the birds and squirrels? (Yeah, I know: not much nutritional content for the critters, either. But it has been so cold that I figured the cute fuzzies would appreciate a few extra calories, even if rather empty.)

I chopped up three of the six, and left the other three on the counter for a later feeding. That was the 29th of January.

And they sat.

And sat.

And sat.

Here we are, two weeks later. They are still sitting on the counter.

And they look exactly. the. same. They still have that cheap-bread squish. There are no signs of mold.

That just ain't natch'ral.

A check of the ingredients confirms: enriched flour, water, yeast, sugar, gluten, soybean oil, salt, soya flour, guar gum, and enzymes. So far so good, or at least pronounceable. But then the periodic table of the elements begins. Calcium propionate, sodium stearoyl, lactylate, azodicarbonamide, monoglycerides, diglycerides, ethoxylated monoglycerides and diglycerides, monocalcium phosphate, whatthehellareweputtingintoourbodiesate.

So, rather than feeding this stuff the squirrels, The Boy and I are taking conducting a miniature science experiment. We're taking observations every day, and recording them. The goal is to find out how long, precisely, a commercially prepared hoagie roll can survive on a kitchen counter before turning green.

Stay tuned, because I know you are all dying to know.

b strong//

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